People to be mad at besides a stranger on the internet who may not say nice things about you:
-Ann Coulter
-Mel Gibson
-Whoever decided that leggings should be back in this fall. (Lynch him, girls!)
-Comment spammers
-People in front of you on line at the grocery store who don’t realize that they are actually supposed to pay for their groceries until after the cashier has rung them up–at which point they begin the long, arduous search for their teeny-tiny wallets in those great big bags of theirs.
-The saleswoman who sold you the strapless bra that makes you look like you have four boobs.
-The inventor of the fart machine that Nate bought.
-Men (with small penises) who diagonal park their sports cars (because they have small penises) between two spaces in crowded lots (to compensate for their small penises).
-The guy who turned off the air conditioning on the E train while it sat in the Chambers Street station yesterday morning. Although on the up side, I did lose about four pounds.
Well, if I had remembered to do it, I would have nominated Hally’s hiliarious post on bootleg DVDs in Tanzania. And not just because I’m biased because she’s my best friend since Kindergarten or anything.
And if I could have nominated a second post? Just so you know? It would be Hally’s take on the 4th of July party (held on July 8th, no less) at the US Embassy in Tanzania. Embassy people and US Marines mingling with damn dirty hippies – what could be more interesting than that?
Sorry I don’t have any fancy button codes to give out, Hal. Next month, I swear.
(Also, huge gracious heartfelt thanks to One Tall Momma for nominating my birthday post to Thalia. It’s nice when the ones that mean the most to me also mean something to someone else.)
Mel Gibson, hmmm…wonder where he got his bigotry from, his old man who to this day still doesn’t acknowledge the Holocaust, saying that it never happened!
I also forgot about the perfect post awards, so I whipped up a towering and somewhat incoherent heap of unrelated linkage. To compensate. For my recent dinky linkyness.(I really wanted to find a way to just say ‘dinky’ or dick or work in a sports car analogy but I just couldn’t do it. Too hot, too tired, too blogged out.)
Am I to understand that someone in cyberspace is talking smack about you! Remember, I worked in a prison for five years…I know some people that could rough her up if you want. Just a thought.And I must say that I actually saw someone wearing a pair of leggings in public last weekend at a baseball game. I thought I was having a flashback to the ’80s. I was brought back to reality when I realized that not only was she wearing leggings, she had a banana clip in her hair! Aaaarrgh!!!
Skinny jeans. They suck for all of us curvy types.
Oh I am all over hating whoever is bringing back the leggings. What is next? shoulder pads? neon colored sweatshirts that say RELAX on the front?
Oh, the grocery store people irk the hell out of me…after they search for their wallet and cannot find it, they proceed to get out a check book (not debit card) and write the world’s slowest check. Grrrrrr….
Definitely Coulter!
This leggings person… could we get together a bunch of women to rally against this vehemently to do some ass kicking?I’ll wear my combat boots from college that I still have because some asshat decided <>that<> was a fashion statement.
Congratulations on the very much deserved Perfect Post!I’m disgusted by Ann and Mel, too. Especially Mel. At least Ann has never hidden her vileness. Mel is just a big ol’ ugly anti-Semitic hypocrite.
“Men (with small penises) who diagonal park their sports cars (because they have small penises) between two spaces in crowded lots (to compensate for their small penises).”—Not that I think you’re a male basher or anything… but…Men who park their sports cars like that <>are trying to AVOID women who open the door<> of their big SUV and go BAMM! into the door of the nice expensive sports car — leaving a sizeable dent in the door and a gash in the paint. The woman (with a bitchy attitude) says: “Ooopsie! Oh Well” then gets in her gas guzzling SUV and drives off thinking “it was expensive, but I’m sure he can afford it … guess he’ll park someplace else next time now won’t he! Besides, I hit his car because I’m convinced he has a small penis (and because I’m bitchy), and I don’t care whose car my door hits anyway (because I’m bitchy) and he probably deserved it.”
hahaha, the 4 boobs- oh yes, I am quite familiar.
I was wearing leggings the night I met my husband. 14 years and 40 pounds later, I wouldn’t be caught dead.
Don’t forget those same people at the grocery store who don’t know the meaning of debit/credit cards. After finally finding their wallets, they they proceed to write a check (that they of course, have not filled out), which takes them about five minutes. Because then they can’t find their accompanying I.D….
Stephen: I take it you have a sports car? And a magnifying glass?
I’m so sorry. The return of leggings? Those were my idea.
Yeah, WTF with the leggings, and of course, the horrid sister of leggings: the skinny jean. I thought it was decided eons ago that those things only look good on supermodels, and even on them, not so much. Long live the boot-cut!
LOLOL! Great list. I think you could turn that one into a meme.
I am thoroughly enjoying reading your and other so-called Mommyblogs, even though I am neither a mommy or a blogger. So there. I’m a thirty-something. I’m a woman. I can relate. I personally think calling them mommy blogs is limiting.Stephen, of course those women have to slam their car doors open and ram it into sportscars proudly owned by men with small penises! You try squeezing into your car with a huge set of silicon-filled knockers. Not easy. Getting in for the small-penised men? No prob.
glad mel did what he did – may as well let the whole world see what a jackass he is. and leggings? fuckin fab idea. that right after those oh-so-flattering peasant skirts. and stillettos, so we can fall on our faces looking our fattest. awesome.and mauryn? you should have a blog.that’s all. i swear.
yeah–what is up with GIBSON??? holy crap.thanks for the links–will enjoy them later on.
“People in front of you on line at the grocery store who don’t realize that they are actually supposed to pay for their groceries until after the cashier has rung them up–at which point they begin the long, arduous search for their teeny-tiny wallets in those great big bags of theirs.”Shit. Sorry about that. That purse is freaking huge, but I can’t seem to get out to get a new one!
Should you find the time to visit < HREF="http://flyingpickle.blogspot.com/2006/08/fking-nuts.html" REL="nofollow">our modest little blog<>, I’ve got a new type of stranger that I think may deserve your ire. Well, not new. I think it will go under your “men with small penises” category very nicely. I warn you, it’s not for the faint-hearted. Or those with taste.Hope the html works… Gina
Apropos of nothing, I have to share with you the Fanny Bank!! Perhaps Nate needs one of these!http://www.stupid.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=store&Product_Code=FBNK
Leggings are back in? I had no idea! Guess I should pull out the pair I have stashed in a crumbled ball in the back of one of my dresser drawer.And I’m probably going to curse myelf here but I don’t get comment spammers…I guess I’m just not important enough. 🙂
(Sorry stupid typos made previous version less-than-readable).Awww . . . but that stranger on the internet who may not say nice things about me was totally #4 on my list of 15 (no 16) things I hate! The list I wrote BEFORE BlogHer! It was like, prophetic, and stuff! Or, no, wait, it’s just a coincidence that in and of itself makes a sad commentary on the state of our society. Damn.Stupid Mel Gibson. He can’t even hate coherently.(I am still trying to work out in my head how exactly Jews could possibly have started, for example, the Trojan War, the conquest of Mesopotamia by the Kassites, and the Xia-Shang War in China in 1600 B.C. Perhaps he believes a teleportation/time machine was involved at some point?)
That last sentence pretty much sums it up. PS where can I get a bra that makes it look like I have four boobs? That would rock.
and yet another perfect post. (this one, i mean, as <>well<> as the latest–in a series of–perfect posts you’ve managed to write over the past few months) the perfection never stops around here, does it? no, it does <>not<>! (and thank goodness for that) leggings? seriously? i’m pretty sure i still have a few pair left over from the 80’s (when you were too stinkin’ young to know and/or care about making your legs look good, missy!) what next? headbands? xox
The four boobs thing? Gah. Oh and we have two fart machines at your house. I know what you mean there.
OMG Your so right with the leggins! GOSH! WHY!?!?!?!And I’m glad you left Steven up there. Cause he’s kinda funny! LOL I especially hit my car door into guys cars who are parked in two spots on purpose and make sure I make a nice BIG DENT. If he parked nice in one spot between the lines…..then I’m careful. =o)
You forgot when the lady at the grocery store with the big bag also wants to pay with all change: “Oh, I have just the right chnge,here, letmesee…where DID that dime go?” Some people have still never heard of a credit card. Or they’re scared of them…which they probably should be.
Mom 101, this post was hilarious. I still have a pair of leggings from the late 80s – they cost me a fortune dammit and I was not going to get rid of them no matter what! I find they keep me nice and warm in winter. Indoors of course – would never wear them in public! The car debate nearly had me in floods of tears. From laughter of course. Some people! (By which, I mean, of course, people who park in two spaces.)
Good list there Mom 101. I HATE it when people start digging for their wallet, checkbook, and pen AFTER their groceries are the way rung up. HELLO. Did you NOT know that you would have to pay. What is UP with that I ask you?What is up with Stephen above??? MY WORD. Talk about a guilty conscience…
Jodi,Since when does speaking my mind & stating the truth = a guilty conscience? Mom 101 takes a shot at guys with sports cars (her opinion), and I counter with my opinion. It’s just the facts, and I feel no guilt for stating my opinion, just like the rest of you are doing, or is it not acceptable to disagree with you ladies?
I was going to comment that I absolutely LOVED your post to Thalia on her birthday, but I got so distracted by the drama above and forgot what I was going to say. I love your list, it’s funny, and it’s yours – you don’t need to defend it to anyone!!!And that birthday post, I recall that I cried, it was beautiful and a very well-deserved “Perfect Post”!Carrie
While I’m enjoying the first ever close-to-a-real-fight fight in my comments, I’m calling an end to it. Stephen: You crack my shit up. I made a cheap easy joke about sports cars and small penis size. You countered with an equally funny joke. Others made jokes…see? I’m laughing! Hahahahahaha. We’re laughing. It’s all good. And then… in comes anonymous, that ever snarky poster, who’s starting to get personal. Which is the point at which I wield the power of deletion. I HAVE THAT POWER. Oh yes I do.
mom101: Thank you buckets for being the hostess with the mostess awesomely craptastically delicious comment fight(ish) I’ve read in a while. I laughed, I cried (not really). It was fun to read. In addition, I think you are so very great, and your blog routinely makes my day. Thanks, chachi.
Leggings? Surely you jest. What ass monkey thought that was a good idea?And I’ll hold Coulter down while you punch her.
Okay first, my husband totally has a fart machine too… WHY OH WHY??? Second, leggings and these thighs? NOT gonna happen, I don’t care how fashionable they are.And last but not least, what the fuck MEL???? Jesus, fucking psycho! And now he wants to HEAL? What the fuck is that about?Alright sorry, I lost control. Funny post. Except for Mel.
Lynch the leggings man.Cuz let’s be real. We know it’s a man.
the leggings are all la lohan’s fault… i blame her for starting the revolution and shame on the world for following it.please, can you add to your list, people who use the word “your” instead of “you’re”? or maybe i’m the only one that anal
Wow…you write about small penises, and look what happens…
I’ve been lurking on your blog for months now and have to agree with onetallmomma that your birthday post of Thalia was just beautiful.Here in South Africa there are like 2 of us bloggers so there really was no point in posting a link but I did send out the link to that post to all my friends by email 🙂