…I Asked Her For Some Happy News

Sometimes all the nefarious aspects of the Universe conspire to throw you a 300mph curve ball, just to see what you’re made out of.

The answer is: Jell-o. I’m made of Jell-o right now.

Or, more aptly, some crappy generic store-brand gelatin–the kind that sits in the back of the dessert display in the school cafeteria lunch line under a dollop of chalky artificial dessert topping, feeling helpless and unloved and unable to change its destiny.

And so while I wallow in it, please forgive me for not making the blog rounds as of late. I’m worried that at best, I have nothing of value to add to any conversations. At worst, I am in just that kind of mood in which I could write something bitchy and rude and totally inappropriate. Like geez Liz, MamaOfFive just posted that her husband didn’t do the dishes one time. You didn’t have to call him a whoring, cheating rat bastard!

So I’m abstaining for now.

If I may ask (in exchange for the absolutely nothing that I’m giving you in return), if you can point me towards anything funny, I would very much appreciate it. A bad joke, a great You Tube video…anything that made you smile this week. Otherwise, I’m back to playing solitaire on Yahoo games.

{80 Comments}

80 thoughts on “…I Asked Her For Some Happy News”

  1. What’s wrong? This doesn’t sound like you. I hope the fog lifts soon. Check your mailbox, I’m sending a funny dog hugging baby sequence someone forwarded me.

  2. Please enjoy < HREF="http://julia.typepad.com/julia/2006/09/12_dot_surely_y.html#c22619991" REL="nofollow">this story<> posted in the comments over at Julia’s.I have been tittering about it for days.Hope you feel better soon.

  3. Is this about moving? Oh, dear… nothing’s quite as bad as a decision already made. If it’s any consolation, I think you’re doing the right thing, the brave thing, and I admire you for it. I almost cried when I read this yesterday…<>“I’m trying to choose my family over my city. My future over my past. My child, and her need to have two happy, united parents…”<> I yearn for some little bit of your guts and clearheadedness. (Today’s post notwithstanding.) You’re doing what you believe, you’re protecting your family, and so you can’t be doing the wrong thing. And if it becomes clear that another direction makes more sense in the future, then you can always switch back, lesson in hand.Anyway, I’ve got no funny stuff to send; you can read my < HREF="http://www.seaanemone.org/desiderata.htm" REL="nofollow">favorite inspiration<> if you want, or just accept my best wishes for your coming adventure!

  4. Did you read my < HREF="http://bloggersrepent.blogspot.com/2006/09/pavlov-and-pursuit-of-titties.html" REL="nofollow">titties<> story? Yes, I crack my ownself up. It’s a character flaw. Whatever it is, I’m sorry it’s got you so down, and I hope that things get better quickly. You’re a tough chick. Remember that.

  5. Sorry you’re feeling so crappy! If it’s about moving, I had a similar experience about 5 years ago. My then fiance, now husband, got a much better job that took us FAR AWAY from all of my family and friends, and when the decision was made I cried like a baby and was upset for weeks. But as it turned out, once we got there we made awesome friends and loved every minute of it. We’ve since moved on, but we still keep in touch with the people we met there, and visit often.Alternatively, go listen to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. It always makes me feel better when I feel like I am helpless and unloved and unable to change my destiny.

  6. I grew up in LA, now live in the boondocks outside of Sacramento, I miss the weather and the closeness of all things fun… beach: short drive, mountains: short drive, Palm Springs: short drive, Las Vegas: a little longer drive, etc. etc.But we made the move for my husband, and my family. It was the best decision we ever made!

  7. Ooof.Well someone already gave you my youtube link so … I’ve got nothing.You can visit me at http://www.vexedinthecity.blogspot.com and read about how I stole my first ever box of tampons if you want to… I don’t know if it is especially funny, but at least you can feel smug in the knowledge YOU will not be arrested for shoplifting tampax… ever….Feel better. Meantime, invest in some Oreo Double Stuf.

  8. Sorry you are down. Hope it works out. Here’s a little ditty about being drunk and on the rag. Classy! I know. Even better? Pictoral format. You can wallow in knowing you have it more together even on your bad days. :^)http://annenahm.com/?p=143Feel better, sweets.

  9. Sorry you are down. Hope it works out. Here’s a little ditty about being drunk and on the rag. Classy! I know. Even better? Pictoral format. You can wallow in knowing you have it more together even on your bad days. :^)http://annenahm.com/?p=143Feel better, sweets.

  10. just picture me, the other day, leaving costco and the cokes falling into the street. rolling left and right and i’m chasing them- literally telling CARS TO STOP or they might hit a fucking COKE CAN!!! save the cokes!!!! who cares about the kids, save the damn cokes!! LOLthen add me to your blogroll before i painfully hurt you. 🙂

  11. I am happy to do this for a woman who has on many a day made me laugh when I was down.I am sorry you are feeling that way, Liz. Don’t worry, you’ll get through it. You have some major shit going down right now with the move and all.Check out http://www.varietyshac.com and watch any of their shorts. It is an all-female NYC-based improv/sketch group. So fucking hilarious. And yay funny women!!!Best to You,Lisa

  12. Dude, me too. Me too. < HREF="http://www.mommyofftherecord.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Mommy Off the Record><> is doing ROFL Awards, but they won’t be done until October 9th. I don’t know if that’s soon enough, but it’s something.You left a perfectly nice comment for me on my Neurologist’s Wife story. I don’t know if I buy the snarky you. I just can’t picture it. But I feel you, especially this week for me. Blog apathy has hit me hard. So I commiserate.

  13. Sorry you’re having some bad days, Liz. (Absolutely NOT a reference to that awful song.) I’m no ray of sunshine, but here’s a link to my < HREF="http://secure.giantrobot.com/" REL="nofollow">favorite store<> that I’m on my way to. If you were already living here, I’d pick you up and take you shopping there, with a quick martini stop on the way. Feel better soon.

  14. I hope you feel better soon, Liz.Feeling like Jello truly sucks.If you want to feel better about yourself, I’ve posted pics of me with a pillow on my head and other assorted gawky teenage pic…Always good for a chuckle. And then maybe you can understand why my mom busted her stitches laughing at my school pics when recovering from a hysterectomy.Wishing you joy.

  15. I can’t believe nobody directed you to –http://missdoxie.comRead the most recent post and then go to the archive “The Dogs”If sweet Leigh (and her troop of hilarious commentors) can’t make you laugh – you have no hope!Hope you feel better soon.Beammeup_00

  16. A turkey sandwich walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, and orders a gin, neat. The bartender leans over, and politely says “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t serve food here.”

  17. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I hope you’ll be able to share it with us and let us be of some support for you.In the meantime, you asked for funny, so here you go. http://www.jeeeb.us/ The Jeeebus statue (often called Touchdown Jesus, also) is here in Ohio, and people on this site did a fabulous job on him with photoshop.And of course, if you’re ever feeling down about your own life, just check out this guy: http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

  18. René Descartes is on a plane back to France. The flight attendant asks if he’d like wine with his mail. Descartes pauses, says “I think not”, and disappears.

  19. Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?A. To get the ketchup.(My son’s first joke, told when he was four. He thought it was hilarious. Don’t ask.)xoxoxo

  20. If you don’t have it already, go and get the cd, Bill Cosby:Himself. It is sure to make you laugh out loud no matter your mood. I’m serious, GO GET IT…….like NOW!!

  21. Love Bill Cosby. Have to agree with kfk. As a matter of fact, I have the video, I think I might have to watch that today.Feel better soon.Hugs,mk

  22. I just got this yesterday from my SIL:Are you tired of those sissy “friendship” poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.3. When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get.5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.6. When you are confused — I will use little words.7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.And always remember….when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila andsalt and call me over !!!!!

  23. sorry that you’re feeling blue. i get like that in the fall. everything dies. it’s a bummer.at any rate, i would recommend watching jeff dunham’s “arguing with myself” dvd. i laugh so hard that my stomach hurts the next day.feel better soon!

  24. shove over so i can wallow in that jello with you, will you? am attempting ways to shake a funk myself, so will monitor the suggestions closely.

  25. I just got over a similar funk. I really relied on my family and they came though for me. My kids really can help when they want to. Hope you get to feeling better soon!!! Sorry nothing funny as of late but if I come across anything I will pass it on!!!!!

  26. No need to go anywhere…maybe these will make you smile!Why don’t aliens eat clowns.Because they taste funny.What do you call a fish with no eyes?A fshTwo snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : “Funny, I smell carrots too”.

  27. OK, well, you do NOT want to visit me. I’ll make you miserabler with my own miserableness.(Crossing eyes and sticking fingers in ears while snot dribbles out nose.)So there.(Hang in there.)

  28. My older daughter says I am to serious and I don’t get jokes so…..How about the Weird Al Yankovic White and Nerdy dis of Chamillion’s Riding Dirty?Sometimes we all need to wallow in a bit of jello. Hope you feel better soon.

  29. I hope things brighten up soon. Sometimes it’s nice to take a hiatus. I did it and I think it helped me…maybe…I should shut up….I don’t know what I’m talking about these days.

  30. I’m sorry you’re feeling jell-o-ish.Have you checked at the video posted at < HREF="http://www.yonkogirl.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">Halushki<> yet? It’s some funny shit.

  31. I’m afraid the best I can offer is a laugh because you can’t cry anymore. < HREF="http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/09/092906.html" REL="nofollow">R.I.P. Habaus Corpus<> at The Show. And before you leave New York, get someone to watch the Small Cute One and see some of the comedy stylings of one Dan McCoy — < HREF="http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/09/092906.html" REL="nofollow">http://danmccoy.blogspot.com/<> — support starving artists in the City-that-isn’t-Fall-River-Massachusetts! 😉

  32. Thank you so much for defending me over at Drowning in Kids. I really appreciate it!I posted a really great YouTube over at < HREF="http://linkateria.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">Linkateria<> today. It is so sweet it made me get all chokey.Playing solitaire is ok every once in while.Pinkberry yogurt. You will have it in CA. It is like crack.

  33. Hiya! This cracks me up everytime I watch it- but it’s my kid so I could be biased. 🙂< HREF="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx46iTJGSko" REL="nofollow">Pepsi or Dr. Pepper?<>

  34. Aww, you’re not back yet? You must still need cheering up. Tonight my son told a pretty funny joke. He has this stuffed bear he named Jack. Tonight as I was trying to put him to bed he kept throwing Jack in the air and squealing, “Jumping Jack! Jumping Jack!” and then falling over on his bed laughing.Well, I guess you had to be there . . .

  35. Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got nothing.Wait, I do have one really offensive joke that I heard on a sitcom earlier this week. Are you up for it? “If girls with big boobs work get hired by Hooters where do one-legged people work?IHOP.”Ooh, sorry, that was bad.

  36. It sounds like you need some chocolate STAT. And plenty of it. Preferably in some sort of martini.Sending you a hug. My heart is with you.

  37. I’m starting awards for funny posts (the ROFL Awards). They’ll be announced October 10th so that doesn’t much help you right now, but looks like you got a few comments here with suggestions to keep you laughing.

  38. I found something really funny yesterday and now I’m realizing I didn’t bookmark it. I’m off to find it for you.

  39. My “browsing the internet for funny shit” time is quite limited because I don’t have a job, so I can’t offer anything but I really hope you and Thalia and nate are okay! Please update soon so we know you’re okay.

  40. nothing you watch will be as silly and/or funny as these < HREF="http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html" REL="nofollow">STRONG BAD<> emails/answers.except, that is, for these episodes of < HREF="http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html" REL="nofollow">TEEN GIRL SQUAD<>.trust me… i know i’m late to this particular pity party, but i come bearing gifts of major-milk-out-your-nose-hilarity. that’s *got* to be good for something. xoxo

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