Well, I’ve finally made it to day number last in Prague. It’s been a lovely and productive trip in so many ways, and I think I’ve drunk my postpartum weight in red wine, but I miss the kids and Nate terribly, and I’m ready for some nice clean socks and a grilled cheese sandwich.
I’m also starting to get a bit twitchy after a whole week without reality television; at one point I did hear Larry King on CNN International interviewing Tom Sizemore about Celebrity Rehab, raced out of the bathroom dripping wet, and practically hugged the television. I also caught a few minutes of Germany’s Next Top Model, which somehow feels 14% less vapid when it’s not in English.
I’m like a heroin junkie, only addicted to stupid.
The truth is, the best entertainment on the 19 channels in the hotel room hasn’t been the shows, although I did get a kick out of Bea Arthur and Rue McLanahan bickering in German overdubs. The best part is the ads.
Oh lord, the ads.
It turns out that late at night, MTV airs any number of sex phone line ads which, well, wow. I guess teens do things a little sooner here in Eastern Europe. But nearly as provocative is the ad for Taiwan tourism that opens with some baum chicka baum porn soundtrack, and the line “Taiwan can touch you in many ways.”
Then more baum chicka baum, a few sexy Taiwanese ladies batting their eyelashes for the camera, and finally the tag line, “It will always leave you longing for more.”
I’d imagine premium cable subscribers can upgrade and order their commercial with release.
In fact, all the Asian airlines are running these sort of suggestive ads kind of like this one for Singapore airlines. Each one features subservient, highly made-up flight attendants smiling coyly while they serve their male passengers. It’s like Memoirs of Geisha at 25,000 Feet. I guess it works though. I mean, all of our airlines are talking leg room and on-time arrivals and they’re millions in the hole. Time for Hooters Air? Anyone?
But my all time favorite ad this week has easily been the the SNL-esque spot for the Republic of Georgia. Georgia! Advertising! And because it’s on every four minutes, I’ve had ample time to memorize the entire script.
The spot opens on a satellite shot of the earth, with a big party lighting up all of Georgia. Let’s say it has all the production values of your favorite used car dealership spot. As we zoom down, we reveal a huge New Year’s Eve style bash on the streets with a lot of badly dressed people wearing party hats and dancing like it’s the 137th take. I couldn’t even imagine where this was going: Eurasian Mardi Gras promotion?
When the British announcer asks them what’s going on, they all scream in unison WE ARE CELEBRATING PROGRESS TO COMBAT WORLDWIDE CORRUPTION! Then resume their partying. Clearly making Georgia the best place on the entire planet to bring your business.
In other words: Come to Georgia. It’s not as corrupt as it used to be.
So much better than Larry King.