I would imagine that this weekend at the Blogher conference, we will be showered with our share of laundry detergent samples, notepads, pens with corporate logos, makeup in unflattering shades, and if we’re lucky, a flash drive or twenty.
Forget that. Last week in Aruba, my co-worker emerged from a pharmacy with the single most awesometastic item ever.
I haven’t the slightest idea which corporate sponsor might be willing to distribute such fabulousness, or why 2400 women might be interested in owning a bottle (ahem) but I’m dying to see it in a goodie bag for the package copy alone.
YOU CAN BE A SURPRISE IN THE BED
FOLLOW THESE ADVISE:
1. Do not use alcohol in excess or any other drugs before a sexual act.
2. Never iniciate a sexual encounter, after a strong meal. You’ll end up tired and in bad humor, you may have the risk of death..
3. After a satisfing sexual encounter, relax, keep silent for a few minutes, keeping this way you’ll recover quicky for another sexual encouter. If you take a few deep breaths the act you’ll recuperate quickly.
4. If you have a fight with your sexual partner, or you are not in the move, then you must wait until you problems resolved before you have another sexual encounter so that it can be satisfing.
5. Remember the golden rule : Be gentle whilemaking love, being gentle doesn’t mean you are gay.
Words to live by.
So what do you think, sponsors? P&G? Nikon? Liberty Mutual? Anyone?
Sounds like a job for the Old Spice Guy.
Damn, I wish I'd thought of this…I would have had Chubby Mommy Running Club sponsor this guy! In fact, do you know where I can get some of this elixir? Just for…you know…me.
Hilariousity once again from my favorite blogger!
Holy Crap this is hilarious… thanks for the laugh! I am sure my co-workers in the rest of the cubes are wondering if I am laughing at them 🙂
I think “Being gentle doesn't mean you are gay” should be our new national motto. It would look great embroidered on a pillow.
Oh. My. God.
This may be the funniest thing I have read in 2010.
Can I buy it by the case to distribute to the local hillfolk?
The guy on the cover looks a lot like the guy from Lost. Is that possible?
I must own this.
oh. my. god. i thought you were making it up until i scrolled down to the photo.
I so want to buy a crate of that stuff and use it for stocking stuffers for all my inlaws. Just to see the looks on their faces when they see the packaging.
In exchange for access to BH2010 I would gladly circulate through the crowd distributing this out of some kind of basket. In a turban. Maybe Himself would be willing to accompany me with a cucumber in his trousers like the guy in the photo.
Risk of death by having sex after a big meal? This is information the ladies at BlogHer NEED. Don't let it happen to you!
Sweet Jesus! Until I scrolled down and saw the image, I honestly thought that was (very funny) copy you made up, since I figured you are literate in poorly-written overseas spam.
For the persuasive copy alone, I'd be willing to rub it on? drink it? sprinkle it on my hairy man?
oh my gosh. i love the “warning” points. this is great! i'm going to start my own blog conference and pass these out in the swag bags.
I would like to sponsor this myself. What say you and I go back to Aruba and stock up?
that.is.fabulous.
*giggle* Is it ok that the man on the packaging is not remotely attractive?
“…or you are not in the move…”
I almost just peed myself.
Can't wait to show this one to the hubs…
you only brought back one box?
This might just be the answer to the question 'what to give my in laws for christmas'. LOL
I'm often tired and in bad humor BEFORE I even think about 'inicating lovemaking' … fingers crossed I can get hold of this product in the UK!
Wow. No sex for anyone attending the CheeseburgHer party then. Risk of DEATH!
I'm seeing it on the shelves at Walgreens in the “as seen on TV” section any day now. That or on Leno's Dollar Store segment! bwaaaaaaaa!
@getrealmommy SAYID!
I love it.
Maybe he's helping your male potency from the afterlife.
Well, I see now what my problem is…I must not be “in the move.”
Hilarious. Now my day is complete, even if I'm not at BlogHer.
Awesomeness…I totally think the Old Spice Guy is their next spokesman! 😉
I had to know more, so I googled it. The translated description is a crack up too!
“Arab Formula is a natural nutritional supplement energizing, inspiring and invigorating. It is designed to naturally reduce stress, anxiety and tension, essential for sexual experience. Increases physical and mental endurance, keeping the person who eats very active and always ready.”
Liquid viagra???
LM*O!!!!!!!!!
I'm with Getrealmommy — thought it was Sayid from Lost! Also, what's going on with his abdomen? Are his pants pulled up far too high, or is his abdomen really that short? And are those CAPRI jeans he's rocking???
P.S. “LOL” is the most overused phrase on the internet, but that last bullet point had me laughing so hard, the dog started barking and woke the baby.
First, hilarious.
second, Sayid from Lost (Naveen Andrews) is HOT. The guy on that package, not so much.
Third, sounds right up Johnson & Johnson's alley.
I wish those guys could afford a big ad campaign. Greatness!