Maybe it’s not about the dress.

I looked everywhere for the pink and red floral sundress – the one we made sure would be clean today. The one Thalia insisted she’d wear for her first day of Kindergarten tomorrow. She’s had it all planned out for days, right down to the sandals and the ponytail holder. (That’s my girl.)

I went through her closet: No dress. I opened every drawer: No dress. I did the crazy person move and looked through the same closet and the same drawers again, hoping for different results.

No dress.

Thalia is anxious tonight. she’s still up at 9PM, telling me she can’t sleep. She’s telling me she doesn’t know enough about her classroom to have good dreams about it yet. She’s peeling off her clothes. She’s saying she’s hot. She’s asking for more milk, another story, a longer backrub, one more kiss. She’s hungry. She’s not hungry. And can’t I just stay for a hundred and seventy-million more seconds?

My first-born child is starting Kindergarten tomorrow. My heart is bursting and breaking at once. And I don’t have the heart to tell her I can’t find the dress.

{17 Comments}

17 thoughts on “Maybe it’s not about the dress.”

  1. Mama, it's all good. All those things that were important yesterday were somehow not important this morning when the bus rolled up to pick up Ethan for the very first time ever.

    She'll be fine. You'll be fine. I promise.

  2. What about her sister's drawer/closet? The hamper? Under the beds? Behind the hamper? Can you tell I've been down that road a time or two before?

    Deep breath. It will be okay. You'll find it. Or you'll find an alternative. Deep breath. It will be okay.

    I've been breathing deeply too, and telling myself it will be okay. My first born went to high school this morning…

  3. Lucas started today. I was so excited and terrified for him. Watching his small head through the window as the bus drove off broke my heart into a million pieces.

    But he LOVED kindergarten. Thalia will too. Everything is exciting and new and FUN.

    Take a deep breath, don't show fear and she will soar.

    Oh, and my baby started preschool today as well, ya know, for the double kick in the gut.[Sending hugs to you all from your suburban friends.]

  4. I know you will find the dress. And she will love her 1st day of K no matter what. But I so understand. The beginning of each school year brings its own anxiety. I was thinking about that this morning as PunditGirl started 5th grade and thought about how it seems like it was only yesterday that she was starting K.

    Breathe, my friend. All will be well in the end. Xo

  5. My first and only started two weeks ago. I had a much harder time than he did, but I let myself feel the sadness and anxiety that I needed to feel. Now I'm starting to see the joys in store for both of us. Best of luck to both of you.

  6. My oldest daughter is in 4th grade now and I remember when she started K I was an absolute wreck. A WRECK. I redid her hair like 12 times because I wasn't ready for her to leave.

    And she was only half day kindergarten.

    Good luck, she's gonna crush it.

  7. Today was my daughter's first day of kindergarten. She was much less fussed about it than I was.

    All the same, I hope you find the dress.

  8. someday, i will be in your position, with my heart breaking yet proud of my son stepping into the unknown.

    deep breath…

  9. My girls were so excited to start school — one in kindergarten and the other in pre-K — that I just went with being proud of them. She'll find the perfect outfit, even if it's not the dress. Good luck, mama!

  10. Those sneaky dresses never stay put, especially when the hopes and fears (and dreams?) of a big new something are pinned on them … but then they always do turn up again, full of surprises, they are. Best wishes to you both!

  11. It will all work out. She will go to Kindergarten and totally love it and you will be fine because you are a strong mom. We had a wardrobe malfunction last week on my daughters first day of preschool that resulted in her not getting to wear what she wanted. She forgot all about it when she got to her classroom.

    I will be where you are in two years and I will be a nervous wreck.

    Happy thoughts to both of you!

  12. Oh, I feel for you! I'm still two years away from the first day of kindergarten for my firstborn and I already know I'm not ready for it!

    I hope everything goes well today. She'll hopefully walk in, be terrified, but then make a new friend and all will be well. wishing you all a really great day!

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