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Best Mother’s Day Gift Ever in the History of the World

4.05.2011

in blogging about blogging,funny to me at least,media

I just received a pitch that is far too awesome not to reprint verbatim.

Pamper yourself or your mom with the comfort she deserves this Mother’s Day

Hi Liz,

Life moves too quickly. Help rejuvenate your mom with a day at the spa, indulge her with chocolates and flowers, help her relax and slow down from her fast-paced world full of deadlines, commitments and obligations. And help her be more comfortable with Replens, A Long Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer.

We all know how busy a mom’s life can be but this Mothers Day take time to educate your mom about the treatment options available for vaginal dryness. Nearly every woman will experience vaginal dryness sometime in her life, oftentimes making even daily activities unbearable. It is most often associated with the normal decline or fluctuation of the female hormone estrogen. This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding or menopause. Dryness can also be caused by stress, certain medications, or excessive exercise.

This Mothers Day take time for yourself or time to educate a woman you love about vaginal dryness and Replens!

——-

I wonder if I can somehow get a picture of Wil Wheaton pampering his mother with a long-lasting vaginal moisturizer?

Boy does that sound all kinds of wrong.

——-

Edited to add: The pitch makes the NY Magazine Approval Matrix in the coveted lower left corner–despicable/lowbrow–after hitting Gawker, Media Bistro and a New Hampshire radio station. Congrats Replens, you’ve gone viral!

NY Magazine Approval Matrix | Mom -101

70 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one

Jess April 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

OMG! I have so many comments about this, but really, there are no words.

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Denae April 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

OMGosh, why didnt I think of this? Working in marketing I should so be able to tie air conditioning (my business) in with this. Maybe something like, “You forgot to pamper your mom, make sure the A/C is working to keep her cool and not going all crazy on you. Nothing is worse than a hot, mad momma.”

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theavasmommy April 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

THANK GOD! I can't tell you the number of hours I've spent worrying that my mother's vagina was so dry that it might be causing her discomfort.

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The Dalai Mama April 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

OMG–I am so glad that I had swallowed my drink before I got to the vaginal dryness part–really who talks to their mom about vaginal dryness? I certainly don't and I certainly don't need my kids bying me lube….hilarious.

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Issas Crazy World April 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Did you see the support group on Twitter for this pitch?

Personally I'd like therapy and a cookie now. For even reading the dam thing. *shudder*

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Liz@thisfullhouse April 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Dear Mom,

Have I told you that I love you, or about vaginal dryness, lately?

Happy Mother's Day!

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Backpacking Dad April 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm

This sounds like am very impleasure product. Thinks for sharing this informations with our readers.

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Erin April 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Dear Mom,
This year for Mother's Day, I wanted to give you gift of a moist vagina. Dad can thank me later.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!! What???!

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Crunchy carpets April 5, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Think about the poor bastard who had to write that

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Liz@thisfullhouse April 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Great, now I have to go the bathroom, thanks!!!

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Beta Dad April 5, 2011 at 9:57 pm

I'm so glad my mom doesn't have a vagina.

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Rachel April 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Oh my holy hell.

Also — beta dad's comment — laughing and snorting out loud :)

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Sarahviz April 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Got this exact pitch today and immediately tweeted about it. Was dying!

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Elaine A. April 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

OMG!! I got this today too and I saw “vaginal dryness” and IMMEDIATELY hit delete! WOW.

I think I'll stick with a nice wallet or some flowers… ;P

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PopMommy Pam April 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

I almost spit out my water. Classic.

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Jaci April 5, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Wait. Was this like a time share pitch or something? Like, you take your mom to the spa and after the mani/pedi everyone files into a conference room for a Power Point Vagina Presentation?

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roo April 5, 2011 at 11:37 pm

“This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding…”

Hm.

Sorry I dried out your vagina, Mom.
This oughta fix it.
Happy Mother's Day!

–I think my presentation needs some work…

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Dorf's Daughter April 5, 2011 at 11:50 pm

As your real life biological mother, I can say with all honesty, “Better to send me your hand print on a piece of green clay.” It was my favorite by far!

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RookieMom Whitney April 6, 2011 at 12:22 am

When I got this pitch, I thought about how frustrated I will be when I “quit” this “job” and move on in life, but continue to have my inbox dominated by insanity.

Hmmm. I'm just realizing that maybe blogging like a gang and there's no way out.

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Redneck Mommy April 6, 2011 at 12:35 am

For once I have no words. Thinking about my mother's dry vagina tends to shrivel up my brain.

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karen April 6, 2011 at 12:41 am

Between this and the new Kotex design-your-own maxi pads contest, it's been a banner day for lady-parts marketing.

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Mom101 April 6, 2011 at 12:42 am

Hey wait, maybe this is a ploy to stem overpopulation around the world – think of your mother's dry vagina and you'll never want to breed again.

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Fairly Odd Mother April 6, 2011 at 12:54 am

OMG, the comments to this post, along with the letter itself, have me weeping with laughter.

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Mom101 April 6, 2011 at 1:04 am

You are all too funny!

Roo, you can write my greeting cards anytime.

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Hi, I'm Natalie. April 6, 2011 at 1:36 am

I do not EVER want to see Wil Wheaton pampering his mother with a long-lasting vaginal moisturizer. EVER. EVEREVEREVER.

That is all.

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Stephanie Smirnov April 6, 2011 at 1:37 am

I am a fly on the wall of the conference room where vaginal lubricant marketers and their PR team are brainstorming. And i hear them saying nonsensical things like, let's invite bloggers to engage their mothers in intimate woman-to-woman dialogue about this issue, and by doing so inspire their readers to do the same. And the next thing you know, we'll have created a movement where consumers are talking about vaginal dryness, and passionately engaging in cultural conversations around vaginal comfort. These conversations will be, uh, sticky. And, uh, shareable.

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Mom101 April 6, 2011 at 1:42 am

Oh Stephanie, the sad thing is, we have both been a fly on the wall in those kinds of meetings. All you can hope for is that one person–just one single person with any authority–stops the session along the way and says, “are you fucking kidding me?”

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TKTC April 6, 2011 at 2:23 am

Danielle sent this around to all of Digital when this gem hit her inbox this morning. We were a mess of laughter and blushing. I'm sticking with a new teapot.

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Marinka April 6, 2011 at 2:31 am

Aren't you worried that your mom's surprise will now be ruined?!

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Jennifer Lee April 6, 2011 at 2:47 am

WOW! What a treat – from someone who doesn't get pitched anything – it's so fun to see what a perfect pitch really sounds like! I'll take two!!

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Scott April 6, 2011 at 4:03 am

I would comment on the inappropriateness of such an ad (seems like nothing's “sacred” these days), but I'm laughing too hard!

Seems like a good Valentine's Day gift, instead–though not for your mother!

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IzzyMom April 6, 2011 at 4:38 am

I actually feel a little bit sorry for the person charged with trying to create some buzz around this product but I thank both of you for a much needed laugh on a really bad day.

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sarah doow April 6, 2011 at 9:52 am

I'm so relieved my Mum only wanted some Cadbury's mini creme eggs for Mother's Day.

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Jodi - Mom's Favorite Stuff April 6, 2011 at 10:24 am

I got that too – I actually thought it had to be an April Fools joke. I mean seriously?

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Kami April 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Hahaha…but does it work? My vagina has been feeling a bit dry lately…

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Muskrat April 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm

This is how I spend every Mother's Day. Not sure why this seems so strange to the rest of y'all.

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The Mother Tongue April 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

*jaw drops*

So wrong. So very, very wrong.

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Kim Moldofsky April 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Some of us were joking about the pitch on Twitter without ever revealing the exact pitch. We just *knew* we were talking about the same thing. OMG- the MomBloggerBorg is real!

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Kelley April 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I want to comment. I just don't know what to say.

So here's me, laughing. And cringing. And remembering the old “Mom, do you douche?” commercials with a mixture of pain and fondness, like I'd been let in on some bizarre secret that I didn't understand. And didn't really want to.

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Andi April 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I think you could do a whole blog devoted to bad pitches.

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Jaelithe April 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I was going to make some comment about how sometimes even the best comedy writer can't do much to improve upon reality.

But then I saw Roo's comment. AFTER I had decided it was safe to start drinking my chai again, no less.

I am so forwarding this post to my mom.

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Mom101 April 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Andi there is one:

Bad Pitch Blog

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Beth Harte April 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

This is why PR people need to understand marketing (and vice versa).

I think I am more offended by the lack of demographic understanding.

Would love to know who the agency is.

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David April 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm

OK.

Yeah.

So.

There's that.

Friends don't let friends drink and pitch bloggers.

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Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels April 6, 2011 at 6:10 pm

As if my mom wasn't in denial enough about being in menopause – let's see how she reacts when I follow their advice and give her that for Mother's Day:
“here mom, this is against vaginal dryness! What a thoughtful daughter I am!”

*snort*

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Amber April 6, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Oh. My. God.

The unintentional hilarity is awesome.

Also? I am NOT, under any circumstances, discussing vaginal dryness with my mother. And I hope my kids have the same good sense when it comes to me.

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Danielle Friedland April 6, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Liz, ever think that this was their MO all along? Send a spit-take ridiculous pitch in the hope that it would go viral?

On second thought, no. They're not that savvy.

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thegirlfriendmom April 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Let's not be too quick to judge ladies. We've all heard the expression, “Like mother, like daughter.”

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Liz April 6, 2011 at 9:21 pm

….

Yeah. I'm speechless.

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Anonymous April 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

It's Mother's Day already???

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Susan April 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Thank God I was sitting down when I read this! I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard I had trouble breathing. I laughed so hard my dog started barking at me because I scared her! If my Mother was still alive I'd send this to her for the shock value alone :)

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Aimee Greeblemonkey April 6, 2011 at 10:47 pm

And I thought the liquor pitch I got was bad (suggesting I give it to MY mom). That made me spit at my screen.

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No you didn't! April 6, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Maybe they should have pitched the licquor in with the Replens pitch… together they could have achieved…

Nevah mind!!!

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Jenn @ Mommy Needs Coffee April 7, 2011 at 12:58 am

I got that one, too! First, WTH? I never wanted to know about my mom and her vaginal dryness just like I never wanted to walk on a beach with her and discuss feeling fresh like a summer meadow due to my douching habits.

“Dear Mom,
I sure do miss you! If only you were still here so I could talk to you about vaginal dryness. Dad told me to stop.
Love,
Jenn”

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Jenny, the Bloggess April 7, 2011 at 2:20 am

I am actually physically ill that I didn't get that pitch. My God, it's like they were asking to be skewered. I mean, if they weren't so damn dry, that is.

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rajean April 7, 2011 at 4:10 am

Vag pitch gone viral. Ick. Exec who let this slip through approval clearly was dippin' their brain in the creamy goodness or too buzzed to notice. Get ready for the next pitches – inflatable dolls for dads for father's day, vibrators for moms for Christmas.

I feel I must wash my hands now. Or gargle. Or both.

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Lucretia April 7, 2011 at 4:11 am

This certainly made the rounds!
You have to wonder who approved that copy. Surely that was the joke copy that wasn't supposed to go out, but did.
Okay, yeah, I know – some pitches are just really this bad.

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Amy M. April 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Can I get some kegels with that? Baaahhaaahaaa! :)

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Table4Five April 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I got this pitch too, I just deleted it because I couldn't think of the right words to explain why it was so wrong. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, HERE'S SOME LUBE FOR YOUR VAG. gaahhhhhhh.

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Renee April 7, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Shut up!

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kwr221 April 8, 2011 at 12:01 am

we need a “like” button for some of these comments!

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The Mommy Therapy April 8, 2011 at 2:01 am

Good Lord, it's just so wrong.

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Laura April 8, 2011 at 4:53 am

Soon we'll be hearing about VD during prime time. The comments are fabulous- I am teary eyed, missing my mom who loved tasteless jokes.

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SarahButtonedUp April 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

OMG! Have no words…

Reading this reminded em of why I ran from Madison Ave screaming! Thx for the hilarious post

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Allison April 9, 2011 at 3:53 am

I laughed out loud, and good too, reading this post and then all the comments! True hilarity!

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The Martin Family April 9, 2011 at 5:36 am

I'm guessing it's the same crazy people who created the creepy Burger King guy.

Forwarding this to my mother now…I'm a concerned daughter, ya know! Bwahahahaha!

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Danielle-Marie April 10, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Ew. Just ew. That's the only word I can find for this.

Oh, and also that if I approached my mother with “the best mother's day gift ever in the history of the world” she'd probably back hand me. Or I at least hope she would.

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Anonymous April 12, 2011 at 4:26 am

Wow..What were they thinking? Can't imagine what they're thinking up for Father's Day. Ahh, the pressures of PR.

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Christine April 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Oh man, hilarious! This made my day. I feel bad for the intern that pitched this. I wonder if he/she is still with the PR agency?

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Anonymous May 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm

I sure hope my three teenage boys aren't concerned enuf about this issue to buy lube for me…..gees, I cringed even typing that!

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