This week, I’m officially attending my sixth blogher conference. I first came to Blogher 2006 as a nervous newbie, excited to meet the women who I can now call friends. (Click over and see how far we’ve come in five years. Especially our haircuts.) I handed out buttons that read I swear I’m funnier on my blog, and the BIG BLOGGERS deigned to wear them.
That’s when I first realized that for the most part, bloggers are nice. Especially mom bloggers. So I’ve pretty much spent the last five years trying to convince panicky new Blogher attendees that very thing.
Two years ago, I provided a helpful guide to help you distinguish between popular people and bloggers. This year I thought with 3000 people (!!) attending, I’d take it one step forward and help you identify some of the types you’ll be encountering over the course of the weekend.
Ideally I’d illustrate an icon for each one and make them into a Bingo card, but eh, I’m just not that good with Illustrator.
The tech savant
She carries extra USB cords in her bag, knows the hotel wi-fi password by heart, and can help you troubleshoot your VPN issues. Be best friends with her.
The den mother
She carries extra Kleenex for the community keynote in her bag, a few protein bars in case you’re hungry, and always knows where the nearest bathroom is. Be best friends with her.
The blogger who asks a question in every single panel
Her patron saint is Catherine Connors. Actually, she might be Catherine Connors. Fortunately, all her questions are smart.
The blogger who insists it doesn’t matter what you wear, and will spend the weekend proving it to you.
Look for the hairy armpit-stained tank top combo. You can’t make her use a hairbrush, dammit.
The blogger who is there for the coupons.
There is indeed a breed of blogger who will spend $500 on a plane ticket, another few hundred on a hotel room, and take four days away from her family only to spend that time amassing $1-off coupons for frozen sausages on the expo floor. Buy her a drink please.
The blogger who is there for the swag
If you spot an expo table with a fishbowl full of business cards and the word “win” anywhere nearby, do not get between her and the table. It is simply not safe.
The blogger who will shamelessly post any photo of you, no matter how unflattering.
The design blogger with the awesome shoes
You will want to not like her, but it is patently impossible. The worst part–she probably made those shoes herself. 60% chance she lives in or around Salt Lake City.
The sponsor-averse activist
Her mantra: HOW DARE YOU SUBSIDIZE MY TICKET WITH YOUR DIRTY CAPITALIST MONEY. That said, she will secretly enjoy the free snack bars from the swag bag alone in her room late at night without even checking the ingredient list.
The PR guy who hits on everyone.
There’s always one.
The snobby popular blogger
This is a type I’ve been hearing about for five years now, although I have yet to meet her. I’m convinced she’s a myth, like the Loch Ness Monster or that elusive “Canadian girlfriend” that every guy in junior high claimed to have in summer camp. I’ll believe it when I see photos.
The blogger with the cute baby in a sling
Secret: sometimes it’s not even her own baby. She just does it for the attention. Shhh.
The happy drunk
There are so many of them, this would be like the free square at the center of the Blogger Bingo board. Watch Twitter light up with them starting around 9PM PT every night.
This woman is amazing. She hugs everyone, smiles for every photo, and remembers everyone by name without once having to glance at your name tag. She has a special place in her bag just for business cards and they never get dirty or wrinkled. She will probably send a follow-up email to you within a week telling you how nice it was to see you. Gah.
The blogger who hands you her business card even though she’s known you for five years
She is just very excited about having business cards.
The drama starter
There will be roughly 3 of them at Blogher this year, identified by bitter post-conference posts disguised as critical analysis. Really, what they need is a big hug and some Chapstick.
The drama avoider
There will be roughly 2,997 of them at Blogher this year, identified by the fact that they’re having fun.
The supportive tweeter
Every Tweet from her about every panel will include the word awesome, inspiring, or amazing.
The hashtag hijacker
For her, the Twitter feed is simply a way to enter to win things. She might not even be at the conference at all.
The token celebrity
The really friendly blogger who will hug you, but will not be able to place your name or face until you mention your blog name and hopes you won’t take it personally.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
If you’re going to be at Blogher, please say hi! I’m moderating a seriously awesome panel at 10:30 on Friday, participating in a luncheon for Bill My Parents at 11:45 (though I hear it’s waitlist only now), and then you can find me at the Bill My Parents booth on the expo floor on Saturday from 10-11 and1:30-2:30.