Every month on the Cool Mom Picks newsletter, we include a list of funny holidays under the tongue-in-cheek title, Any Reason to Shop. Everything from Ice Cream Sandwich Day (August 2!) to Markie Posts’s birthday. Oddly, I never came across Crazy Boycott Week in the US but I think that’s what this week is.
First I get followed by a Twitter account established especially to “Boycott Target,” because some shoppers did not get access to the limited edition cheap Missoni line that went on sale–and promptly ran out–last week. And boy howdy are they are mad! Or as Kristen Howerton mocked, I had to stand in a line! IN A LINE, do you hear me?!?!
I think this is the very premise boycotts were invented for. The Montgomery Bus Line, the Egyptian elections, and denied access to $29 ballet flats.
Not an hour later, I started seeing more Crazy Boycott Week evidence in Queen of Spain’s stream. It seems some “mom” offshoot group of an organization dedicated to promoting extremist Christian values and bad grammar, is now boycotting Ben and Jerry’s for introducing a hilarious limited edition flavor, Schweddy Balls.
This is the next in the group’s attention-getting schemes after poorly worded calls to boycott ABC’s sponsors for airing an adult-targeted show at 10PM (“New Show On Bunnies Not Safe For Children”); and to Rite Aid and CVS for allegedly selling vibrators on their websites when “children are stumbling onto these sites by accident.”
Because, you know, kids.
Leave them alone with the computer for one damn minute, and they’re poking around the Rite Aid site.
I’m kind of bummed I missed Crazy Boycott Week because I have so many I want to contribute!
-Please Tell Your Butcher to Change the Name of Strip Steak to Short Loin Steak
-Please Remove the Queen From Playing Cards Because Our Children Should Not Be Exposed to Homosexuals During Go-Fish
-Please Boycott Oscar Meyer Weiners for using the W World Which Means Boy Pee-Pee Part.
-Please Boycott Everyone Named John Because Our Children Should Not Be Using Toilet Words
-Please Boycott Opi Nail Polish Because the Color “Park Avenue Mistress” Promotes Infidelity Especially While Wives Are Out Getting Their Nails Done
-Please Boycott Valtrex Because The Ads Give the Impression That Sexually Transmitted Diseases Lead to Excessive Bike Riding Which is Totally Not True
-Please Boycott Televised NFL Games Before 11PM Because Those Tight Little Pants May Lead to Impure Thoughts
-Please Boycott Flatulence in Elevators
Eh, I’ve got tons of them. What do you want to boycott?