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Some emails are too awesome not to share

6.13.2012

in blogging about blogging,funny to me at least,things that make you go argh

You know that disclaimer written at the bottom of some emails? The one that says this email is only for the intended recipient and legal threats blah blah and here’s some more stuff that you will ignore anyway  and now this disclaimer is super long but the gist is don’t forward it and anyway we just paid for our lawyer’s kid’s college education by writing this, and whatever, have a nice day.

Well none of these had that at the bottom.

 

 

EXHIBIT A:

Dear Dad, when I think of you, I think ya know, your butt could really be a little cleaner. Happy Father’s Day!

 

EXHIBIT B:

The perfect Father’s Day gift for any father. Wait…except those secular ones. Crap, forgot about those.

 

EXHIBIT C:

Download our new child safety app, you clueless delusional jerk parent who has no idea what you’re doing.

 

EXHIBIT D:

The perfect name for a children’s line, if I’ve ever heard one.

 

 EXHIBIT E:

Scare tactics! Scare tactics!

iPads for children / 5 year-olds drinking and driving. And the world has a new perfect analogy.

EXHIBIT F:

Actually I’d like to help her. I just have no idea what she’s talking about.

31 shards of brilliance… read them below or add one

Robin from Israel June 13, 2012 at 7:39 am

Oh man, and here I was thinking how much fun it would be to wonder down a dangerous path… (and it does beg the question – wonder about what?)
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Jenny from Mommin' It Up June 13, 2012 at 8:03 am

Hilarious! What do you mean, you don’t already HAVE a bidet? That was my husband’s FIRST father’s day gift? And the word “secular” makes me cringe. And, no one should ever admit to even BEING INSIDE a Wal-Mart, much less wanting to copy fashions they saw on another customer.
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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Oh the secular dads are okay. It’s those OUT OF CONTROL SECULAR dads that really need a biblical-style stoning.

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes June 13, 2012 at 8:15 am

“Be a Better Dad Today” , now there is a sublte way to letting your spouse know how you feel about his parenting skills. They wouldn’t have a “Be a Better Mother in Law Today” available per chance?
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..To clean or not to clean, in my house it is never really a questionMy Profile

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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:39 am

I was also pitched a Mother’s Day gift book that’s about how to stop being a helicopter mom. Can you imagine what a lovely token of your affection that one would be?

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PinkDawn June 13, 2012 at 8:17 am

I’m also hung up on wondering down a path. how could one purchase or take advice from someone whose English skills be struggling’ that bad?

I would, however , love to purchase that fathering book as a gift for my ex-husband. You know, just to be passive aggressive.

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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

It really does make me wander.

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Alyssa S. June 13, 2012 at 8:35 am

You KNOW, the t-shirt scarf with the HAIR PIECE that’s all the rage with the WalMart crowd. Psh. How is THAT not a Cool Mom Pick?

And I think the only way to make that kid’s line more awesome would be to call it Inmate Bait

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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

Inmate Bait bodysuits. I’m shuddering to think…

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Karen June 13, 2012 at 8:38 am

I’m starting to get irritated with the judgmental nature of people proclaiming that tech is bad for children. Mostly I’d just like to get them into a room and introduce them to my son who’s learned more about loving to read and his ABCs, 123s and other important-to-learn things from our iPad than from any human teacher he’s had so far.

Why? Because he understands it. Because of developmental issues, he doesn’t always understand people. So, until you come up with something better: My son’s iPod and iPad say “Bite me.”
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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:37 am

Is that Siri, speaking?

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FrancesVettergreenVisualArtist June 15, 2012 at 12:53 am

Oh, agree. Because we moms who let our kids use an iPod or, horrors, watch tv, are too stupid to figure out we should turn it off now and again…grrr.

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suburbancorrespondent June 13, 2012 at 9:11 am

I’m still trying to figure out how one gives a kid the keys to a shot of whiskey…
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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:37 am

Liquor cabinet with a lock?

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Laura Mayes June 13, 2012 at 10:01 am

For some reason, these make me ridiculously happy.

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Avitable June 13, 2012 at 10:23 am

I think you should put together a book that is like “Letters from a Nut”, but it’s all bad pitch emails from different companies along with commentary. You could ask a group of bloggers to all submit their best ones.
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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 10:36 am

If I do you’ll get the first thank you in the acknowledgments, Adam.

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Karen June 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I didn’t realize that kids ‘WONDER’ down a dangerous path. I always assumed that they WANDERED down that dangerous path.

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Mom101 June 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

That is definitely something to pander, isn’t it.

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Julie Marsh June 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I’m still laughing over the look Kyle gave me when I read the Walmart one to him. And Inmate Tease might replace [redacted] as my most-hated children’s line.
Julie Marsh recently posted..Can we keep her?My Profile

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Elaine A. June 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I’m just impressed you take time to read this stuff. I guess I should just for the entertainment factor…

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Frema June 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

After you’ve helped exhibit F, maybe you can search Amazon for the joke book I loved in grade school. It was really good!
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Jaelithe June 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

My kid wonders down dangerous paths all the time, actually. Like the other day when he said, “I wonder what sort of explosive would work best underwater?” Or “I wonder whether anyone has ever actually tried to take apart a whole bunch of smoke detectors to get the radioactive materials inside to build a nuclear power generator.”

Somehow I don’t think banning him using from electronic media gadgets would stop all this dangerous wondering, though. As a matter of fact, he seems to have contracted this wondering tendency of his from reading these totally non-electronic devices called books.

I suppose we could set all his books on fire, but at this point, that might just encourage him.
Jaelithe recently posted..Keep in ReachMy Profile

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Mom101 June 14, 2012 at 7:47 am

I love you, Jaelithe.

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Korinthia Klein June 14, 2012 at 9:03 am

Aren’t you just glad they emailed you rather than coming to your door?
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Jack@TheJackB June 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Inmate Tease- how timely. My son the former fifth grader told me that his buddy’s older brother told him that prison makes your butt hurt.

My son asked me to explain what that means. A good Inmate Tease t-shirt might be just the thing to help explain it.

Oy.
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Amanda June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm

This stuff is hilarious. I mean, who wouldn’t want a bidet sprayer for Father’s Day. ;)
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Jenny From the Blog June 14, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Shit, I feel like this means I should take my Dad’s bidet back! It was not easy to wrap that thing.

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Mom101 June 15, 2012 at 7:23 am

If you want to share a giftwrap tutorial in photos, I’d be happy to post it.

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Andie June 15, 2012 at 6:02 am

I got a lot of emails everyday and most of them are just junk.. Sometimes I just want to change email and reset everything…

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Maggie June 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

My husband LOVED the bidet in the bathroom at the hospital when our daughter was born…I think he would probably be very excited to receive one for Father’s day…Yeah, that’s how weird we are!

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