It’s two weeks to the BlogHer conference and I am already seeing a heapin’ helping of nervous twittering around the ‘net. And I don’t mean Twittering twittering. (If you don’t know what that means, you can learn about it at BlogHer, right?)

In general, there’s a whole a whole lot of OMG-ing: OMG what if I don’t meet anyone? And OMG what if no one likes me? And OMG what if one of the popular girls spreads rumors about me and everyone thinks I smell and someone puts a Kick Me sign on my back and then another girl trips me in the cafeteria line and I get beans all over my new shoes?

I am here to assure you that none of the above things will happen. It’s a professional conference, not a gathering of the Greater Chicago Chapter of the National Mean Girls Association.

You will meet people. You will learn things. You will get to hear Elizabeth Edwards speak inspiring words. You will find many women to clink Yahootinis with, and all will be right with the world.

But just in case you don’t believe me, Kristen had this idea for a BlogHer mixer: A scavenger hunt. Only with photos. So don’t worry you don’t have to steal Lisa Stone’s license plate or Mayor Daley’s steak knives to win. (Seriously, what is it about Chicagoans and meat? The entire city smells like meat. It’s uncanny.)

A few brilliant women offered ideas and help, and suddenly The Great BlogHer Photo Hunt was born.

There are even serious prizes for the winners–stuff any woman would like (not just moms), like jewelry and bags and a one-night stand with your choice of Grey’s Anatomy Cast Members. Yes, I have that kind of pull.

You don’t have to be a parent. You don’t even have to be a woman. I respect your right, men, to want to win that hot leather Rian handbag, if that is your choice.

All the rules and blah blah blah are here.

You may now resume worrying about the size of your asses.