Dear Men of America,

I regret to inform you that this year I will not be participating in Hoochieween, Slut-o-ween, or whatever version of Halloween you imagine that features 50% of our country with their ass cheeks hanging out of their spandex skirts and their exposed boobs hoisted up to the heavens.

I understand that this could potentially jeopardize my national citizenship, from what I can tell. Possibly my right to vote. Definitely my chances of ever scoring a Playboy Mansion party invitation. Continue reading →