You can tell we are getting close to the annual blogger conference, because of the marked increase of posts displaying arguably insane levels of social anxiety.
What if I don’t make friends?
What if no one talks to me for the entire three days?
What if I don’t get invited to parties?
What if I only get invited to the party that 1360 people were invited to and not the one that 40 people were invited to?
What if people think I’m a loser because I have a sponsor?
What if people think I’m a loser because I don’t have a sponsor?
What if the popular kids hack into my Twitter account, change my photo to Rush Limbaugh and start writing crazy #tcot posts directed to Ashton Kutcher?
And here I feel the need to point out that BlogHer is not a sorority social. It’s an industry networking conference. For the most part people will be pleasant and professional. The vast majority will be downright friendly. Amalah will hug you. Kristen will let you hold her baby. Tanis might even tongue kiss you.
Last year I put together a handy BlogHer Conference FAQ that seemed to be helpful for oh, 2 or 3 of you, to help you deal with these very fears. But this year I want to focus on one important fact:
Bloggers are not The Popular People.
In fact, real live actual Popular People do not want anything to do with bloggers. We frighten them, the way underwear frightens Paris Hilton.
I would think this would be fairly self-evident, but in case there is any confusion, I created a simple chart you can cut out and keep with you. A cheat sheet, if you will; so that should you accidentally mistake a blogger for A Popular Person at any point during the weekend–or beyond–your perceptions can be quickly and easily corrected.
(Of course the one exception to the body type rule is Audrey, whose triceps are as unfair as anything I’ve ever known in this world.)
See you at BlogHer. I’ll be the one with the chewing with my mouth open and accidentally flashing my underwear because I can never keep my feet on the ground when I’m sitting down. And probably hugging you.