1. Be a slacker parent.*

2. Do not even bother thinking about potty training until you realize that every other kid in the class is out of diapers.

3. Beat yourself up just a little. Then remind yourself that the year and month of actual potty training will not go down on her permanent record. Or yours.

4. Go to the store. Let your kid pick out some underwear. If it has Dora on it, fine. If it has a rainbow monkey on it playing drums, fine. If it says Home of the whopper, not fine.

5. When she has to pee, you take her to the bathroom.

6. Done.

*Step 1 is of the utmost importance. If you do not follow step 1, this plan will not work and you will email me wondering what the heck you did wrong that your 18 month old is not regularly using the toilet by himself. I will write back to you and point you towards step 1. Or actually, I probably won’t write you back at all. See also: Step 1.