This weekend, Nate and I had a lovely dinner out with another couple, which makes this like our second date night in 87 years of marriage. An incredible feat considering Nate and I have only been together about six years. And we’re not actually married.
While the boys discussed predictably discussed football, GMM and I chatted about the Matt Harding video, previously referred to by MetroDad as “the greatest video ever posted on the internet” and I’d have to agree. If you’re too tired to click and watch, (which, really – your loss) this is the video in which this regular guy who happens to be traveling all over the world does this silly little jig in every country he visits–42 in total. It’s edited together beautifully with just the right music and it’s captured the hearts of anyone who’s seen it.
Also, it’s captured the hearts of Cadbury Schweppes who I just learned paid him a ton of money to go out there on another world tour and do it again.
In other words, he’s getting paid to do what he was already doing for free anyway.
That’s when I realized it was time for me to recraft my resume.
I of course have a few thoughts on the matter.
-My house is a disaster. I do not clean it. I think that Nintendo should pay me to continue not cleaning my house. Would that be like the best ad campaign for Wii Guitar Hero ever, or what?
-I have used plenty of choice words to describe George Bush, often in mixed company. Orbit Gum could pay me to continue doing this, as part of their “Dirty mouth? Clean it up!” campaign. I can get really really dirty too. Try me out, Orbit! You won’t be disappointed.
-I wear shoes – Prada makes shoes. Perfect.
-I have been known to draw attention to myself while singing bad 70s and 80s lyrics under my breath, in public spaces. I would be happy to continue to do so while wearing a Coca Cola tee shirt for a reasonable six-figure monthly fee.
-I often think about doing the sex with George Clooney. I would be happy to continue to do so for money. (To be clear: Not to have sex for money, but to think about having sex and getting paid for that.) This could be a good one for KY Jelly. Or maybe some prescription drug for women experiencing delusions? Really, I’m open.
-Like Matt Harding, I love to travel, but we could do it a whole lot more if we had a sponsor. I’m angling for American Express. I will just continue to travel with my family, charging everything on our (free) Platinum Card, and American Express will be more than welcome to put our exploits up on You Tube. I know that hearing Sage screaming in the car for two straight hours or watching Thalia refuse to eat anything besides goldfish and bagels will be huge. HUGE. 10 million viewers or more, guaranteed.
Of course these are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Nothing firm. I’m open to any marketers with other ideas. Other things I already do anyway: Talk with food in my mouth, choose shaving cream based on the color of the can, pick the cranberries out of the salad, discuss Rock of Love II as if any of it mattered, read blogs.
How about you? What would you like to be paid to do that you already do?
