What do I wear?
Sweetney will be wearing a prom dress and I suggest you follow suit.

How will I meet people?
There is a secret handshake that will be revealed if you know the secret code word. You can find it out at the secret party that everyone else got an invitation to besides you.

Do I have to go to every panel?
They’re actually less panels than court-required classes to keep some of us out of prison. Attendance will be taken and violators’ names will be projected on the ballroom screen and shamed.

Will I get free stuff?
Yes, and you are obliged to complain about it in return.

What is the weather like in San Francisco?
It gets very hot in July, like 105, 110. Celsius. Like I said, hot.

How will I get to the hotel from the airport?
Sadly, there is no transportation in most large North American cities. But on the positive side, by the end of the weekend you’ll be in the best shape of your life.

Isn’t this all just some big man-hating thing?
Oh yes. In fact one of the attending male guests will be drawn at random, then sacrificed. It’s always the highlight of the weekend next to the bra-burning mixer and armpit hair challenge.

Will Dooce talk to me?
If you can spot her. She’ll be the one walking around with a big black rectangular bar over her eyes.

Will Mom-101 talk to me?
Probably not.

What if I show up with a booger hanging out of my nose and everyone calls me “Booger Nose” all weekend?
You will blog about it and find instant popularity.