The nasty, smelly, hammertoed, chipped-silver-nailpolish-covered, old lady feet. The feet that remained mercilessly unsheathed from any sort of protective footwear the entire flight. Right next to me.

Occasionally they touched me.

Seriously, you are glad the resolution on this is so bad.

Tomorrow Bay Area friends can watch Kristen and I choke on live TV doing Mother’s Day gift recos on ABC’s View from the Bay somewhere between tips for turning off technology, and fun and easy exercises to get your body ready for the beach.

I hope they don’t expect us to participate in either of those.

I imagine we’ll be okay if I can manage not to think about the feet.