It is less than twelve hours to go until I pull a lever for the Democratic presidential candidate and I remain firmly, staunchly, hopelessly, on the fence.

This is a first for me. I tend to have wildly strong opinions (shocking!) on most everything from politics to kids clothing to the correct lyrics to nursery rhymes. Nate insists that the last line of Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear is Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he? and it drives me crazy apeshit bonkers because the proper cadence and appropriate play on words can only be achieved with Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? Seriously we could fight for six hours about it. And we have.

(Even so, he did get me on how it’s out came the sun that dried out all the rain for that stupid spider. I always liked the parallels between down came the rain and up came the sun but yeah, I suppose the sun is coming out from behind the clouds and not up first thing in the morning to make things all dry.)

But I digress.

Because I’m stalling.

Because I have no idea what to do.

My political post here last week could be called the Rorshack post, in that Hillary fans saw it as an endorsement of their candidate, while Obama fans shouted yeah! That’s why we love him! Yet I meant it when I said I was undecided. In truth, I am swinging between two teams like Anne Heche in her heyday. Every time someone gives me a good pro-Hill argument I’m like yeah! She’s my woman! Go Hill! And then every time I hear a strong Obama endorsement I’m like whoo yeah! Obama! Rock on!

(So forgive me in advance for this ramble. I’m using it in part to sort through my feelings.)

I see in Hillary a strong, confident leader. A woman who can shake off any mud flung her way, who could take on any opposing candidate on issues both foreign and domestic, who will probably be reforming legislation and reaching out to repair severed diplomatic relationships within 13 seconds of taking that left hand off that bible in January. I don’t think she “plays both sides” as her critics declare, as much as she is authentically moderate on many issues – perhaps the first essential step towards re-uniting the old reds and blues.

And then I see in Barack an amazing inspiration. A man who gives me goosebumps, not only when I hear him speak, but when I think of the young people he’s mobilized, the numbers he’s drawing in states like Iowa. He’s not just a man you want to follow, he’s a cult you want to join, a guy with a whole quart of Kool Aid with your name on it, only this time it really will take you to a better place. I think he has good fresh ideas and will surround himself with good, smart people.

If you haven’t yet seen this video – thanks, Laura! – it’s profoundly moving. Who these days writes folk songs about candidates…um, ever?

It makes me believe that whether he is as “ready” (so to speak) as his opponent is right now, that in 8 years, the positive legacy of an Obama presidency could last for generations. Also, that an Obama White House will be so far removed from the wretched one of the past 7 years, that he could be one the true knight in shining armor coming to right the wrongs, undo the curse, kiss the frog, melt the wicked witch, banish the evil king, destroy Voldemort, toss the ring into Mt Doom, and do it all against a Black-Eyed Peas soundtrack.

And then I think, ack, I’m buying into the media narrative. Let’s go back to the issues. Let’s go to who could win. Let’s go to who’s the right person for the job.

Then I visualize how pitting old farty flip-floppin’ McPlain up there against Obama could start a real revolution, if not a damn near civil war in this country over the next nine months. And I kind of like that.

Can’t there just be a Clibama candidate, as Rebecca suggested?

Okay, I am definitely Wallace Shawn in the Princess Bride, saying “So then clearly I cannot choose the vial in front of you!” before going on to justify why he can clearly not choose the vial in front of himself, either.

And we all know what happens to Wallace Shawn in the end.

I look for guidance.

“What do you feel in your gut?” my mother asks. “Doesn’t your body tell you before your head knows it? Doesn’t your stomach get just a little bit queasy when you hear that one candidate in particular is behind in a poll?”

Yeah, there is.

There is.

I will proudly, happily, avidly support either nominee with unwavering conviction. But there is one candidate for whom my heart will ache just a bit more, who will inspire a greater number of longing what if‘s, if left behind after tomorrow.

I think it’s Obama.

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Edited to add: Funny enough, I had a paragraph in here about how each candidate’s supporters truly believe with all certainty that their pick is the only one who can win. I took it out because this damn thing was rambly enough already. But commenters are proving it to be so.

I don’t believe that only one person can win. I know it’s a long race. I know a lot can happen in nine months. I know that VPs matter. Perhaps that’s why I’m having trouble choosing.

Whatever happens, this is all totally fascinating to me, and I think we should all be wise to know that very soon, all (well most) of us Dems will be on the same team, pulling hard, and putting our collective voices to work for the much needed betterment of people kind.