At times I live in a fantasy world.

Or as I like to look at it, “a glass half-full kind of world.”

Because that’s the way glass half-full kind of people spin the notion of delusional thinking.

When I check out the weather forecast in the morning, I flip channels, “shopping” for the best forecast. In other words, if five of them say 79 and partly cloudy with chance of rain, I’ll hold out until I get 74 and partly sunny. Then when everyone tells me to bring an umbrella, I can say “But no! It’s going to be 74 and sunny!” And I will insist I am right.

Similarly when I go on those sites where you can create an avatar and see how, say, a bathing suit might look on you, I start with my real measurements and excellent intentions to be honest with myself. But eventually I start shaving inches.

It’s easy to justify: Okay so when I lose ten pounds and all of them in my hips, let’s see what this nutmeg/celadon tankini will do for me.

The real trouble starts when I start adding inches to my height.

So when Laid-off Dad suggested I get over to the Simpsons Movie site and create my Groeningesque doppelganger, I was game to see how accurate I could get it.

But once again, I ran into problems.

I started here:

Note: New mom eyes, unstyled hair, brows in need of
professional guidance, shirt with breast milk stain on left nipple.
Also, shapeless maternity pants to match the shapeless triceps.

Then I think wait, I am going to get my hair blown out sometime in the near future, right? Plus I’m totally starting to lose weight. I’m sure I just lost .5 pounds in the last three weeks. (Breastfeeding melts it RIGHT OFF, the books say. Melts it! Like butter!)

Still got those new mom eyes though.

And eventually I think eh, maybe I’ll get some sleep in four years or so. Let’s work off that premise.

That or an eye lift. Hey, what’s good enough for Ethan Hawke…

That’s my avatar and I’m sticking to it.