On one hand, I don’t mind terribly that the Vatican issued the Ten Commandments of Driving today. It’s with good intention certainly, and heaven knows (haha) a lot of the drivers out there could use a little divine guidance on the road. Especially those with Pennsylvania plates, being as how Pennsylvania drivers have become the new New Jersey drivers in my neck of the woods.

Let my people merge.

But I do have issues here. Not necessarily because the church is crossing a line into matters of law, or because it feels like a cheap PR ploy to take the Jesus is My Copilot bumper stickers to the next level. Mainly I don’t like it because the list is lame. It’s lame! “You shall not kill”– oh really? Thanks for the tip, guy.

A little more thought and the Vatican might have come up with a few commandments that could actually make a real difference:

-Thou shalt not amass stuffed animals in thy rear window if thou is older than 17.

-Thou shalt not drive with a turn signal on for more than 50 yards and that goest double for thou, Grandma

-Thou shalt not park diagonally in a mall parking lot, lest thy penis be revealed to be of diminutive stature

-Thou shall roll the windows up and turn the radio down when driving through residential neighborhoods at night, thou selfish douchebag

But nope. Just some babble about being courteous on the road and helping people in accidents. Blah blah blah.

Vatican, we’re going to give you a second chance at this. So let’s have it, readers. You’re smart. What are the driving commandments you’d like to see?